“Online dating is efficiency seen in a fast food society and now you have a pool of eligible people to choose from”

  • Gail Barsky

Today millions of people of different age groups, around the world are looking for their better half through technology. Online dating in 21stcentury has become an exciting marathon with new challenges around every bend. Some cynics call it a rat race. So today we are going to put on our track shoes and explore this virtual enigma to see if we can go for the “Gold”.

Everyone wants a positive self-image, a respectable profession accomplished partners, a good reputation, and social respect. When we go about obtaining self-fulfillment the right way, we find peace, joy, and happiness. But when we try to establish the self-centered rock of egotism, we might end up in cynicism, despair & depression. Gone is the time of wooing and courting patiently, people today have great expectations and select or reject through swiping left or right amongst many options.

            This never-ending search for ‘the one points to a desperate filling of a void that humanity feels within themselves and tries to fill it more and more with success, superficial relationships, and various other means.

            Lack of self-esteem is quite possibly the greatest problem in the world today. This is the reason why online dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Ok Cupid etc have been specially to nourish the dopamine fixes of the masses. Lack of self-esteem causes countless people to lie, cheat, steel, take advantage and care only for themselves. It paralyses many people with fear and insecurity and an in quenchable thirst to receive and ego boost through online dating.

Fairy Tale or a Dark Nightmare?

I define self-esteem as “the human urge for divine dignity that God intended to be our emotional birth right as children created in his image”.

Poor self-esteem is one reason when an insecure man in a commitment fools around with other women to prove he is still macho. Today online dating has become a playground for narcissists and psychopaths, who are basically self-impoverished persons out to prove that they are truly somebody and this is a pitiful reaction to our personal need for divine dignity in a profoundly pervasive manner.

These virtual playgrounds generate narcissistic supply for attention, ego boost, validation, praise etc. Deception and manipulation through illusionary bulked up profiles targeting lonely and vulnerable people who fall prey to dangerous schemes some times. They may end uprevealing personal information about themselves which can we used as a hook to bait them.

It can be perceived as a platform with no intention of building genuine relationships, no investments, and no accountability. Valentine’s Day, holidays, and Christmas become the best time to look for supplies. Young girls put themselves out to be studied by potential predators or married men. They mirror you inside and out and you get the vibe of finding your soulmate right along.

“It might be hard to walk away but that will never compare to the pain of staying. Don’t let the fear of being alone, keep you in a relationship where you feel alone”According to Psychology Today, dating apps became addictive through neurochemical changes in our bodies. Dr. Loren Seiro explains that “Playing games on your phone releases endorphins, your body’s endogenous pain killers. This can reduce your anxiety levels, which feels great or sparks the feelings of being high”

“The most distressing aspect of the modern world is not the gravity of its problem, there have been worst problems in the past. It is the dampening of the human spirits that causes many people, especially in the countries of developing world to lose their pride in being human and to doubt that they will be able to cope with our problems and that of the future”

  • Rene Dubose, Great Sociobiologist

Let’s Look at Some Facts:

According to Pew Research Survey: –

  1. 30% of US adults say they have used a dating site or app.
  2. Roughly half or maximum of 18 to 29 years old (48%) and LGB adults (55%) use it more.
  3. Harassing behaviour especially for women under age of 25. for example: – 60% of female users say someone at a dating site continued to contact them after they said they were not interested.

According to Kaspersky Daily: –

  1. People tend to online dating for a variety of reasons. 48% do in for fun while some look for more meaningful relationship and about 13%are looking for physical intimacy.
  2. People often disclose their names, home addresses and private photographs themselves.
  3. IT security incident experience by 41% to 55%.
  4. Lying is one of the hated aspects of online dating yet 57% of online daters lie to each other faking a range of attributes such as names, marital status, location etc.

Some valid questions need to be considered – Are online daters a giving away too much information about themselves? Are they exposing themselves and they devices to malicious people?

In a 2016 study, tinder users are found to have lower self-esteem and more body image issues than other users. Rejection is another factor, “When you put yourself in the shop windows, you should be prepared for people to walk past you”.

Mad In Love or May Be Simply Lonely?

You can destroy self-esteem just as easily as you can destroy your body by feeding your brain with the junk food of small wounded ideas that keep your self-image shrunken and emaciated.

The gasification of dating apps releases the neurochemical dopamine in addition to its partner, serotonin. On dating apps dopamine hits your system in one of two ways. You receive an unpredictable and your brain rewards you with a healthy dose of adrenaline and dopamine. Your brain adapts to the unpredictable reward system.

These online dating apps today have validated free spirit of materialization and sexual gratification. Work become easy due to discard of traditional ways of meeting and greeting.

“The reason we struggle with our insecurities is that we compare our behind-the-scenes with others’ highlight reels.”      

People lack the time and patience to initiate the process of rich friendship and getting to know each other rather than wooing and sweeping each other off their feet. They are enabled to act without responsibility and consequence. Intellectual conversations with sustains are not available. Same word same storyline, payers change but the game remains the same players. We can also see people are being programmed to be superficially narcissistic, and pathological and enable them to actually connect humans to humans and have healthy relationships or even a healthy active real-world social life. They are subjected to uncertain pain, not being judgemental but it’s hectic for women to emotionally invest in something this further encourages narcissistic behavior in the masses.


Hence it is important to assess the red flags before getting into commitment because getting out of such situations is pretty difficult. Women especially have to be very cautious because virtually anyone can be fooled by psychopaths. Good looking and charismatic grandiose narcissists can pull out these games pretty well. Also, there is an increase in danger of serial killers, stalkers etc.  

The virtual universe of constant attention, quasi-celebrity feed, and sustainability of grandiose fantasies, myriads of handles help in inflation of self-image. These people get feedback by projecting their antics, delusions, and pretensions.   

In the end, I would like to quote these lines of Mark Twain on self-love.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be there option”



Durvasala. Ramani. “Should I stay or should I go” LY 2015.

Vaknin. Sam. “Malignant self-love: narcissism revisited” NY 2001.

Internet Sites July, 2020. July, 2020.

Articles from Research Sites July, 2020. July, 2020.

Opinions from family, friends and associates who have been into online dating have also been taken into account.

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